Bad Bad Boy, Whatcha Gonna Do

Those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in bondage again to fear; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ. Romans 8:14-17

Why do beautiful and precious women think they have to settle for rough, ugly and/or controlling guys that treat them bad? And if they're good looking but treat you bad, that makes them ugly, too. Choosing a bad boy usually comes with a lifetime of regrets. A bad boy and his actions ARE NOT attractive nor exciting. They are destructive. Don't be seduced into the web of the enemy, thinking you have to settle for less than what you want from a partner. Ladies, you're worth SO MUCH MORE than that. RESPECT yourself.

And oh my, PLEASE don't be with a creep just to get out of the house or to punish your parents/family. It’s not worth it to get sucked into a life of hell on earth with the wrong person just to fit in, or get out, or to have a ride, or get back at people. Trust me, you WILL NOT have it easier once you get out. As a matter of fact, it will be harder because you not only have been separated from your family and support system, but are now responsible for running a house, getting and holding a job, and catering to every whim of a man who probably never loved you in the first place and who will treat you horribly despite you doing everything in your power the right way.

There are many men who are on the prowl, looking for a nice, vulnerable woman to take advantage of. They can tell when you are insecure with who you are and who will probably put up with their actions ... one who will do anything for them, despite how they are treated. Someone with low self-esteem is very attractive to them. These guys are usually sweet talkers in the beginning to lure you in and once you’ve formed an attachment to them, usually by sharing intimate things in your life (see more about soul ties here Step Away ... from that Stale Cracker) then they start abusing you, telling you who you can and cannot see and possibly hitting you. They'll flirt with others but tell you that you can't, not call before coming over, lie, hit on your friends in front of you, etc. These are UNACCEPTABLE actions ladies.

You ARE NOT responsible for babysitting men, for being their mother, for being their slave and/or sex slave, or to rescue them from life or themselves. These 'boys' need to grow up and be a man. Learn how to treat a woman right. Learn how to take care of themselves. Learn how to live within the letter of the laws of God and of man. Instead of rebelling against God and running from Him and anything else that's good and right. Bad boys DO NOT really have confidence, and ARE NOT exciting, they are really insecure and that's why they hurry to attach to those who are vulnerable, ones that they hope will fill the void and make them stop being afraid, i.e. another mommy. They only get more angry though, because it doesn't work. Deep down they are broken little boys who need to control and bed women to try to feel better about themselves. That broken boy CAN NOT be rescued or fixed by you. HE WON'T change as long as he's clinging on to you. Only Jesus and hard work on the part of the boy/man can fix them. You ARE NOT anyone's savior. Let them change their own diapers and hold his own pacifier. Try working on yourself instead. A better you will automatically attract a better him.

The better you feel about yourself, the less you will allow people in your life that treat you wrong. Low self-esteem will cause us to settle with far less than God's best. If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.

These men are just distractions sent by the enemy to try to keep God’s will from coming to pass in your life. You're not a doormat, punching bag, a dog or a trophy ... if you belong to Jesus, you are a child of God. There's NEVER a good reason to put up with abuse. HIT THE DOOR running if you're not treated with love and respect. REGARDLESS of how good looking or hot he may be in your eyes. Your dreamboat is dangerous. Do it NOW before it goes any further.

God has called us to live in peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15

Hold your head high, guard your heart and wait for GOD'S best for you.

Father, I pray that You place a hedge of protection around us and our hearts, that we not get caught up in the traps of the enemy. Choose a partner for us IF You have one and help us to wait on You. If we are to be single to serve You wholeheartedly, help us to be and stay devoted to You. If there are any that have already been trapped by the enemy's lies and webs, release them from that bondage. Give them boldness to get away and help them to stay away. In the name of Jesus, amen.

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If you are being abused GET HELP NOW call

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE

http://www.thehotline.org
or
National Dating Abuse Hotline
1-866-331-9474
http://www.loveisrespect.org
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see also:  Keep it Zipped            Do You Hate Yourself?            Don't Look Back (my story)

Has Today Been a Hard Day?

Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with My arm and give you victories. Everyone who hates you will be disgraced; those who attack will vanish into thin air. You will look around for those brutal enemies, but you won't find them because they will be gone. I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don't be afraid. I am here to help you. Isaiah 41:10-13

For whatever you're going through right now, know that your friend Jesus is ever near and is leading and guiding you. You’re not in the boat alone, He’s in it with you. The voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child, so be still and know He's in control, He'll NEVER let you go.

For those who struggle with cutting or other forms of self-harm ... kneel before God and scream out the pain before Him and release the pain and frustrations to Him.

For those who suffer with depression and thoughts of suicide … life IS worth living, whether you feel like it is right now or not. DON’T listen to voices in your head trying to tell you otherwise.

For those suffering with addictions … may God give you grace to say no, lead you not into temptation and help you to replace addictions that aren’t good for you with other things and habits that are safe and godly.

For those in abusive relationships … God hates abuse, you’re His child and He wants NO harm to come near you (you are His temple) or your dwelling and He’s committed to take care of you. Pray for God’s will about how and when to leave abusive relationships. You can't save that person hurting you and you can't change them. Don't stay for the kids, they are in jeopardy of being hurt right where they are.

 

For those who have been raped ... it WAS NOT your fault. You are valued and loved, regardless of what happened to you. FYI - if your husband forced you against your will to have sex, that's rape, too.

For those who are pregnant … you have options. Contact a local pregnancy care center that will share the truth in love about options that will help you choose life.

For those who have had an abortion … there is healing for your empty arms at the feet of Jesus. May He hold you and fill the voids.

For those who need wisdom and direction ... seek God. Read and meditate on His Word. Ask for wisdom and direction and when you hear from Him (and you will, for you DO know His voice) do as He asks. For He has a good plan for your life.

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Helpful numbers and websites:

S.A.F.E. Alternatives self-injury hotline 1-800-DONT-CUT http://www.selfinjury.com
National Suicide (Self-Harm) Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
National Hopeline Network 1-800-442-HOPE http://www.hopeline.com
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE http://www.thehotline.org
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) 1-800-656-HOPE http://www.rainn.org
National Runaway Safeline 1-800-RUNAWAY http://www.1800runaway.org
National Eating Disorders Helpline 1-800-931-2237 http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
Option Line (for those who are pregnant) 1-800-395-HELP http://www.optionline.org
The National Helpline for Abortion Recovery 1-866-482-LIFE http://www.nationalhelpline.org

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I'm so sorry that others have judged you. I never will, 'cause I've got my own struggles and pains ... NO ONE is perfect.

It doesn't matter who you are, or what you've done ... God loves YOU. Jesus doesn't merely like you when you do well; He's personally and passionately committed to your good, even when you fail. God is love and He deeply, stubbornly and eternally insists on loving EVERY individual. Relax in the LOVE that CHRIST has for YOU.

Even if you don't believe that others care, know that JESUS cares about you personally, He knows you by name. Keep PRESSIN' IN to Him, He's NOT going to hurt you like others have, He CAN be trusted.

The arms that hold the universe are holding you, it's gonna be alright.

Father, thank You that even though we’ve made mistakes and feel like we’ve missed the best life that You had for us, help us to know that it’s not too late to begin again. Like a child following in the footsteps of a strong father, help us to follow Your footsteps, wherever they may go. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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See also:

God HATES Abuse - So Stop Being a Martyr and Let Go http://answerfortheailing.blogspot.com/2011/05/god-hates-abuse-so-stop-being-martyr.html
Don't You Dare http://answerfortheailing.blogspot.com/2013/02/dont-you-dare.html
Don't Self-Harm Because of a Relationship http://answerfortheailing.blogspot.com/2012/08/dont-self-harm-because-of-relationship.html
Do You Hate Yourself? http://answerfortheailing.blogspot.com/2010/05/do-you-hate-yourself.html
Signs of Abusive Men http://eshanya.webs.com/signsofabusivemen.htm

Keep it Zipped



                                    

Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of  the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul. 1 Peter 2:11

Ismael usually comes before Isaac – so don't fall for the first thing that comes through the door.  It's a shame the Ismaels (wrong for us) usually come along before the Isaacs (right for us). Set some standards ladies, DON'T fall for the first 'Joe Doe' that comes along just because you’re lonely or want a way out of the house.

We DESERVE to have GOOD relationships where people treat us RIGHT. And, it takes a lot to be secure in ourselves and be trusting if we've been hurt a lot.

Don't ignore the warning signs the Holy Spirit is trying to show you. If you see signs from the person you’re dating that make you uneasy TAKE A STEP BACK AND PRAY NOW before you get too hooked.

Make sure you got that discernment working, instead of just fuzzy feelings. If he's pressuring you into having sex to prove you love him, he's not respecting and honoring you. You DO NOT have to have sex with somebody to prove you love them, walk away from those who try to force you in to it.

If he won't make time for you now and put you first now, he sure isn't when he knows for sure hes 'got' you. If he isn't treating you right and telling you the truth now, what makes you think he will when he knows for sure hes 'got' you.

If he's not treating you with respect, why are you with him in the first place ---  move on. Ladies, steer clear of those who are controlling, jealous, possessive and/or emotionally & physically abusive.

Know that going to church and talking about God all day doesn't mean he's the right one or that He's really saved and living for the Lord.

No trust = no relationship. 

Not being vulnerable with each other is a definite relationship killer. When a guy's willing to put aside their own feelings and expectations and the way they ‘appear’ some of the time might be a good indicator of who or who wouldn't be worthy of us.  A healthy relationship is give and take, which means the men should attempt to minister to our emotions and us to theirs to make it work.  It's in sharing that we form closeness. Men see closeness as weakness. So it's not always that they can't be emotional, they don't want to so we can’t see their vulnerabilities.

Are you sure you really wanna settle for that??? You're smarter and worth so much more than that. You're a LOT stronger than you think you are. R-E-S-P-E-C-T yourself. Stop being with and/or going back to the one who brings you more pain than happiness, it’s not worth it to continue to invest your life into someone unworthy of your love. Quit lettin' people talk you into stuff that you KNOW in your heart is wrong. Make wise choices today, not pressured ones.

Surround yourself with those who encourage you and help you to feel good about yourself ... you want to be lifted up, not brought down.

A friend recently asked me if you pray for God to change someone for the better that she wanted to be with why didn’t He? God always answers our prayers, just not always in the time or way we want. Each person still has their own free will, so I think our prayers are 'in the waiting' for a person to want & ask for help. We have to want to change. God works through our prayers to try to reach the person but they can still choose to say yes or no. So we keep pray and believe for the Holy Spirit to woo them to Jesus. But we DON'T have to stick around while God is doing His work, it can bring harm and heartache.

Don't hold on to what God has told you to let go of, it'll hold you back ... God wants to do a NEW thing.

GOD'S choice is always the right choice and ONLY HE can see the end from the beginning. Whether He has a partner in the waiting for you or whether He has set you aside for Himself and chosen for you to remain celibate and live a life just devoted to Him … trust Him to have the plan that’s best for you.

A woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. 1 Corinthians 7:34,35

I'm so IMPRESSED by and PROUD of today's young people that have choosen celibacy till marriage or just to remain devoted to the Lord's work till Jesus comes back.

Remember ---  a guy'll say just about anything to get in your pants, zippers up ladies.

Father, I pray that You help us to keep our mind and thoughts stayed on You. Guard our hearts. Give us discernment to know who to let into our circle of closeness and help us to be able to abstain from fulfulling sexual desires unless we are married. Give us grace, lead us not into temptation, and give us discernment about who we are supposed to be in relationship with and who we're not. Keep those away from us that aren't good for us. In Jesus' name, amen.

Keep it Zipped



Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of  the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul. 1 Peter 2:11

Ismael usually comes before Isaac – so don't fall for the first thing that comes through the door.  It's a shame the Ismaels (wrong for us) usually come along before the Isaacs (right for us). Set some standards ladies, DON'T fall for the first 'Joe Doe' that comes along just because you’re lonely or want a way out of the house.

We DESERVE to have GOOD relationships where people treat us RIGHT. And, it takes a lot to be secure in ourselves and be trusting if we've been hurt a lot.

Don't ignore the warning signs the Holy Spirit is trying to show you. If you see signs from the person you’re dating that make you uneasy TAKE A STEP BACK AND PRAY NOW before you get too hooked.

Make sure you got that discernment working, instead of just fuzzy feelings. If he's pressuring you into having sex to prove you love him, he's not respecting and honoring you. You DO NOT have to have sex with somebody to prove you love them, walk away from those who try to force you in to it.

If he won't make time for you now and put you first now, he sure isn't when he knows for sure hes 'got' you. If he isn't treating you right and telling you the truth now, what makes you think he will when he knows for sure hes 'got' you.

If he's not treating you with respect, why are you with him in the first place ---  move on. Ladies, steer clear of those who are controlling, jealous, possessive and/or emotionally & physically abusive.

Know that going to church and talking about God all day doesn't mean he's the right one or that He's really saved and living for the Lord.

No trust = no relationship. 

Not being vulnerable with each other is a definite relationship killer. When a guy's willing to put aside their own feelings and expectations and the way they ‘appear’ some of the time might be a good indicator of who or who wouldn't be worthy of us.  A healthy relationship is give and take, which means the men should attempt to minister to our emotions and us to theirs to make it work.  It's in sharing that we form closeness. Men see closeness as weakness. So it's not always that they can't be emotional, they don't want to so we can’t see their vulnerabilities.

Are you sure you really wanna settle for that??? You're smarter and worth so much more than that. You're a LOT stronger than you think you are. R-E-S-P-E-C-T yourself. Stop being with and/or going back to the one who brings you more pain than happiness, it’s not worth it to continue to invest your life into someone unworthy of your love. Quit lettin' people talk you into stuff that you KNOW in your heart is wrong. Make wise choices today, not pressured ones.

Surround yourself with those who encourage you and help you to feel good about yourself ... you want to be lifted up, not brought down.

A friend recently asked me if you pray for God to change someone for the better that she wanted to be with why didn’t He? God always answers our prayers, just not always in the time or way we want. Each person still has their own free will, so I think our prayers are 'in the waiting' for a person to want & ask for help. We have to want to change. God works through our prayers to try to reach the person but they can still choose to say yes or no. So we keep pray and believe for the Holy Spirit to woo them to Jesus. But we DON'T have to stick around while God is doing His work, it can bring harm and heartache.

Don't hold on to what God has told you to let go of, it'll hold you back ... God wants to do a NEW thing.

GOD'S choice is always the right choice and ONLY HE can see the end from the beginning. Whether He has a partner in the waiting for you or whether He has set you aside for Himself and chosen for you to remain celibate and live a life just devoted to Him … trust Him to have the plan that’s best for you.

A woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. 1 Corinthians 7:34,35

I'm so IMPRESSED by and PROUD of today's young people that have choosen celibacy till marriage or just to remain devoted to the Lord's work till Jesus comes back.

Remember ---  a guy'll say just about anything to get in your pants, zippers up ladies.

Father, I pray that You help us to keep our mind and thoughts stayed on You. Guard our hearts. Give us discernment to know who to let into our circle of closeness and help us to be able to abstain from fulfulling sexual desires unless we are married. Give us grace, lead us not into temptation, and give us discernment about who we are supposed to be in relationship with and who we're not. Keep those away from us that aren't good for us. In Jesus' name, amen.